So months went by, and then all the sudden instead of wanting to write my NaNoWriMo story, I had a burning desire to write Wolfram's trip to Bandarbia and the ensuing breakdown of Yuuri's. So I did the obvious thing: I quit NaNo.

As the word count climbed higher and higher into the thousands, I pondered frequently why Wolfram just wouldn't shut the hell up.

"Morning!"

Yuuri cracked an eye and the sight before him made his blood run cold. It was Wolfram holding a tray with breakfast on it. Smiling.

Scary things are always even scarier when they are smiling. It's just creepy.

"Uh?" Yuuri asked, wondering muzzily if he could get out the window before Wolfram got a good grip on any part of him. Since he was naked, he thought the chances were either really good, or disastrous.

I heart Yuuri.

"I made you breakfast, so get up right now," Wolfram ordered, smile going a bit sharp, and that sounded enough like his normal husband that Yuuri actually did push himself to a sitting position and flopped against the headboard. Wolfram kept so many pillows on the damn bed that it was almost like lying down anyhow.

The pillows are totally Yuuri's. He just blames them on Wolfram because he thinks it's too girly.

Sitting the tray on the bed beside Yuuri, Wolfram tugged his pink, frilly robe off and climbed back under the covers next to Yuuri, the early morning castle air raising goosebumps on his skin. Once settled in, he slid the few envelopes that were on the tray into his lap and began slitting open the first one. Yuuri blinked at all that bare, pale skin in sleepy appreciation, and reached for the teaspoon.

"A-HA!" Wolfram roared, glancing up from the letter.

"Agh!" Yuuri tossed the spoon off the bed like it was on fire. "Whatever I just asked you to do, I didn't mean it!"

The glorious thing about the flatware gags is that they are totally canon.

"As if there's anything you haven't asked me to do," Wolfram snorted, brushing his hair behind his ear and reaching for one of the coffee cups. He waved the letter at Yuuri. "We just got invited to a masquerade ball in Dai Shimeron."

Wolfram's terse response here slays me. There was supposed to be a subplot here where they really did go to the masquerade and things just sort of 'happened', but the timeline didn't work to get the conversation with both Conrad and Murata in, so in the end, i just tweaked the dialogue so that this was a random conversation-starter.

"It's obviously a trap!" Yuuri exclaimed dramatically, but the drama was a little muffled by the fact that Yuuri was hanging off the bed hunting around on the floor for the spoon.

"Of course it's a trap," Wolfram murmured, running his thumb over the thick paper. He flicked a brief gaze at Yuuri's bare rear sticking out of the covers as he leaned further off the bed. "But it'll make Gwendal insist we investigate the situation and give Yozak an excuse to wear his new dress."

"It isn't like Yozak needs an excuse," Yuuri sighed, straightening up and blowing dust off the spoon. Honestly, didn't the maids do anything in here besides giggle and adjust their odds?

No. No they don't.

"But more importantly, that reminds me," Wolfram smiled, looking deeply into Yuuri's eyes, and Yuuri shifted uneasily, "you know what's right next to Dai Shimeron."

"Shou Shimeron?" Yuuri offered.

Aw, sweetie, you just don't have any idea what you're getting in to, do you?

"Bandarbia."

*********

"Bandarbia!" Yuuri exclaimed at the meeting of the Royal Cabinet that he had conveniently forgotten to tell Wolfram about. "We can't go to Bandarbia! Do you know what Bandarbia does to guys?!"

Yozak, who had just found a slightly moist binky in one of his pockets, gave Yuuri a bland look. Conrad twitched a little every time Yuuri shouted 'Bandarbia.'

"Even the name sounds sinister!" Yuuri continued. "Bandarbia! It gives me the shivers! Band—"

"Stop saying Bandarbia!" Conrad finally snapped. Yozak snickered just a little and patted his captain on the shoulder. And dropped the binky in his hand. Yuuri flopped into his chair and looked mournfully over the desk at the five men standing there. Gunter swayed a little, in shock from the mention of ground zero for male mazoku pregnancy, and Gwendal stuck out a hand to shove him upright again.

So much hilarity in so few lines. The repetition of 'Bandarbia!' never fails to get me giggling by the end. I think Arielle should actually be in this scene, or at least addressed somehow, but I hope that the binky was reminder enough of what Bandarbia is all about. Yozak probably sent the infant off on a spy mission or something.

"I'm too young to go to Bandarbia," Yuuri whined. "And Wolfram is just…he wants to…you know, be the…it's dangerous, isn't it?" Yuuri bit his lip and looked pleading.

"Naaah," Yozak waved a hand dismissively, then let it drop when Conrad cleared his throat. "Well, maybe a little, but it isn't like we don't have healers for a reason!"

"It might not even take on the first try," Murata put in helpfully. Then he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "On the other hand, he is a Bielefelt, and they are renowned for their fertility…"

See what I mean about this fertility line? Murata's 'help' is always a lot of fun.

"Oh god," Yuuri moaned, and Gwendal decided that it would be more efficient just to keep his hand where it was on Gunter.

"Look, Your Majesty," Gwendal said, "if you really don't want Wolfram to…to get…" Gwendal's face twisted a little as he tried to get the words out, "…if you don't want, he won't."

"Well, I'm just fucked then, aren't I?" Yuuri snapped, letting his head collapse forward onto his arms, and Conrad and Gwendal exchanged a look. Yozak looked smug.

The swearing doesn't really fit Yuuri's dialogue, but I needed a very terse way of saying that Yuuri was fully aware that no matter how scared he was, he really did want to have kids with Wolfram. Also, Yuuri has no chance of telling Wolfram no after Wolfram grew up and became whoa crazy fuck original maou hot.

"All settled then, isn't it?" Murata grinned at Yuuri, sunlight glinting off his glasses.

"Murata," Yuuri lifted his head minutely and narrowed his eyes, "you haven't received any…higher communication…without telling us, have you?"

"So when do we leave for Bandarbia?" Murata asked. Gwendal lifted his hand to rub his temple, and Gunter crashed to the floor.

*SNERK* and very smooth subject change there, Muraken.

********

"You're getting worked up about nothing," Wolfram informed Yuuri as he folded another shirt to pack. Yuuri sat on the edge of the bed beside Wolfram's suitcase, glaring at him, and Greta sat beside Yuuri, swinging her feet a little even though she was technically too old and getting too tall for that.

"It's hardly nothing!" Yuuri spat back.

"What's nothing?" Greta asked, looking back and forth between Yuuri and Wolfram.

This is a dumb question, because Greta says that she knows what they're talking about only five lines later, but I just couldn't take out Wolfram's insult. Yuuri secretly loves it when Wolfram is abusive. Well, not-so-secretly.

"Your daddy's brain," Wolfram mumbled, and Yuuri gave an outraged exclamation.

"Men don't do that where I come from!" he shouted, and Wolfram stiffened, shirt slipping out of his fingers.

"Are you saying," he glared at Yuuri, jaw set, "that I'm not a man? Because it seems to me that just this afternoon I was more than man enough to—"

"That's not what I meant!" Yuuri interrupted, then flopped down on his back against the bed. "Greta, go away so I can make sure your daddy can't walk tomorrow."

These three lines go rapidfire through a welter of responses for me. Yuuri's accidently hurtful outburst makes me cringe, Wolfram's indigance is cute and predictable, and then Yuuri's solution to the problem is fabulously dirty and direct. Good thing Greta is so well-adjusted.

"Yuuri!" Wolfram bellowed, cheeks burning.

"I think I'll go to bed," Greta said, rolling her eyes. She leaned over to kiss Yuuri's cheek, then hopped off the bed to hug Wolfram. "Good luck, Daddy! I'd prefer a little brother rather than a sister, just so you know."

"I'll keep that in mind," Wolfram said wryly, petting Greta's hair.

"Wait, how did you know?" Yuuri lifted his head to peer at his daughter, eyes narrowed. "Why do you always know everything?"

"Yozak's been teaching me!" Greta grinned.

"Just remember the rule," Wolfram said, letting Greta go. Yuuri made a squawking noise.

"Don't let him touch me with the eye shadow, no matter what he says," Greta recited. "I knoooow, Daddy!" Wolfram dropped a last kiss on Greta's head and stared thoughtfully after her as she skipped out the door.

Greta is too young in this story, because she is going to have to be a full-fledged teenager only a year from now, so here she should be like 14. Eh, c'est la vie. Also, Yozak is affronted by the insinuation that he does not know how to apply makeup properly and says that episode 5 was an isolated incident.

"Why are you training my daughter in the art of espionage?" Yuuri demanded, letting his head fall back. He stared at the ceiling and felt the bed shift as Wolfram put his bag on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed to kick his boots off.

"She looks so sweet and innocent," Wolfram teased. "We've been training her to sneak into foreign countries and undermine enemy governments with the power of her cuteness alone." Yuuri snorted. "Of course she can only do small villages at this point, but think if we had a whole army of daughters…"

"Wolfraaaaam," Yuuri moaned, squeezing his eyes shut. He heard the thump of Wolfram's boots hitting the floor, and then a warm weight slid into place over top his body. When he opened his eyes again, Wolfram was looking down at him, propped up on his elbows.

The action is awkward here. I love how casually into each other physically Wolfram and Yuuri are, although they aren't as settled as they will be during Never Too Old. Also amusing is Wolfram's attempt to bring up the subject of procreation subtlely.

"Wimp," he said.

"Pardon me for being concerned with your health!" Yuuri snapped, giving Wolfram a shove. Wolfram settled his weight more firmly and went nowhere.

"You know," Wolfram said, more quietly, "if you really don't want to do this, Bandarbia is a big waste of time. I won't get pregnant if one of us doesn't want me to."

"That doesn't even make sense!" Yuuri exclaimed. "What does that mean?!"

hahaha, so glad you asked, Yuuri. I wasn't sure myself until I got to this scene, and then as usual, the explanation just sort of fell into place. I think that's the reason it took my so long to start writing this, because the full explanation of male mazoku pregnancy had to perculate on the back burner of my brain for quite some time.

Once again, Wolfram as the voice of reason is endlessly amusing.

"God, you really don't know anything, do you?" Wolfram leaned his chin on one hand and used the other to stroke fingers through Yuuri's hair. "You think men get pregnant by just sticking it in the right hole and letting loose?"

"YES!" Yuuri snapped, leaning grumpily into Wolfram's touch. "Of course I do! That's how humans do it!"

"And that's why human men can't have children, isn't it?" Wolfram asked, and Yuuri growled at his completely reasonable tone of voice. "It takes a huge amount of maryoku to keep everything running just right, and even more to get it all started. Even a full-blooded Mazoku can't do it alone."

"So both parents have to contribute?" Yuuri wrinkled his brow. Wolfram gave a little 'hmm' noise and moved his fingers down to trace the shell of Yuuri's ear, making him shiver. "But wait, how could Conrad not have known about Yozak for months if Yozak was siphoning maryoku off him the whole time?"

Okay, I admit this is something of a plot hole, but I was brave and did not shy away, and I think my in-text explanation is marginally plausible, given Conrad's close-lipped martyrism, and given how deadbent on self-sufficiency Yozak is about the entire pregnancy. Several people have said that this can't work because half-bloods don't have maryoku, but what is actually said in the show is that they can't use magic like fullbloods. I tend to think, because they do have extended lifespans, and because Yuuri is a halfblood himself and the Maou can do magic through him, that they have some ambient maryoku, but they just can't control consciously what it does.

Shori's conversation with Bob about maryoku tends to confirm this, in my opinion, because Bob doesn't say Shori can't do magic because he's a halfblood, he says that you can't teach somebody it, that it just happens when you have something to protect. I think he's saying that halfbloods might be capable of involuntary magic in a dire situation.

"Yozak's a sneaky bastard," Wolfram shrugged a little, "and Conrad's a self-sacrificing idiot. He'd give his last iota of energy to Yozak in a second, and as long as long as he's willing, Yozak wouldn't have to ask, certainly with as much time as they spend slapping each other on the back in a manly fashion. Even if he was weirdly exhausted for weeks…"

"He wouldn't tell us," Yuuri agreed, rolling his eyes. He lifted an arm to put a hand against the back of Wolfram's neck and rubbed there idly; Wolfram's eyelids fluttered a little. "Is it really that exhausting?" Yuuri's fingers tightened against Wolfram's skin. "Because using too much maryoku was how Julia-san…"

Yuuri's so freaking worried about Wolf, I just want to pinch his little cheeks.

"Not quite that much, idiot," Wolfram interrupted him, sliding his elbow out from under himself and settling against Yuuri's chest. "Besides, I use my maryoku all the time, I can control where it's going consciously. As for you…well, I don't know what you do, halfbreed."

"Hey, I am the Maou!" Yuuri protested. "I've got more maryoku than all you Bielefelts put together, and I'm probably just as fertile!"

"Hmmm," Wolfram drawled, shivering just a little under Yuuri's hands as if he had just had a very appealing thought, but then he shook it off. "Too bad we'll never know. You just keep yourself busy running your little Demon Kingdom, and I'll take care of the rest."

Wolfram thinks the idea of Yuuri bearing his children is ridiculously hot, but has already come to terms with the fact that A) they can't ever risk the health of the Maou that way, and B) there's no way he's giving up the chance to protect Yuuri like this in a way that Conrad can never do.

Yuuri's screech of indignance was cut off by Wolfram's lips.

********

"Well, that didn't go as planned," Yuuri groused the next morning, shifting uncomfortably in Ao's saddle. His stupid Great Sage had laughed until he was sagging against his horse's flank, and was still snickering a little as Yuuri shot him a black look.

"Just thought you should get that out of your system before we really get serious," Wolfram said from the next horse over, and Yuuri told him exactly what he could put in his system.

I HEART WOLFRAM. Somewhere deep inside me resides a Murata/Wolfram/Yuuri fic where Murata convinces Wolfram that he can help make Yuuri Wolfram's if Murata is allowed to watch. And give orders. And Wolfram is totally okay with that.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Conrad asked, crossing his arms. Yozak grinned at him, and Arielle bounced a little in the knitted snuggly that was nestled against Yozak's chest. Yuuri didn't care what Gunter said, the snuggly was not a tiger.

"She's old enough for a seaside holiday, don't you think?" Yozak asked, blinking innocently. "Come on, it'll be great, some quality time with her daddies."

"Yozak…" Conrad warned. He reached out to stroke his daughter's orange curls, but it might have been to keep from strangling his stubbornly illegitimate boyfriend.

Actually, it's the kid that's illegitimate, not the boyfriend, but 'stubbornly indesirous of marriage boyfriend' didn't quite have the same ring to it. I love how Yozak pushes all Conrad's buttons.

"Saa, you don't want her to get spoiled do you?" Yozak raised an eyebrow, and Conrad's teeth grinding was clearly audible. "Being an only child and all…"

Um, why is Yozak suddenly Fuji Syuusuke here? Hmm. In the months between this fic and the first two, too much anime fandom is evident in my suddenly non-american sound effects. Also, anybody who's watched a bunch of Loveless knows that "roger that!" is really "youkai" in my head, but i've already expressed my squirminess over random Japanese insertion. (uh, what did I just say?)

"Yozak!"

"Roger that, Captain." Yozak pressed close to kiss Conrad goodbye, and Arielle gave a little 'eep!' of indignance. Yozak murmured something indistinct into Conrad's ear that made spots of color rise on his cheeks, and Arielle gave another squawk.

"How sickening." Wolfram made a little moue of distaste, then reached over to drop something brown and knitted in Yuuri's lap. "Here, you forgot your hat. Put it on, it's winter! I won't forgive you if you get sick just when you might actually come in handy."

Yuuri looked over at his husband, who was tugging his own bear hat firmly over his ears, then sighed and pulled his matching one on.

The HATS. Goddamn they need to merchandise those *mutters something suspicious about christmas presents*

"Do your best, Daddies!" Greta called, waving from the steps, where she was standing beside Gwendal. On Gwendal's other side, Gunter gave a little sob and leaned forward. Gwendal tightened his grip on Please-Control-Yourself-Kun's leash and one corner of his mouth quirked in almost a grin. They should have thought of the harness years ago.

Man, I just realized how much non-japanese japanese is in here. We just zipped right by "i won't forgive you" and "ganbatte!" I think there's a 'As expected from' in here someplace too.

For the record, I think Please-Control-Yourself-Kun is every bit as hilarious as PSWE-Kun, but maybe that's because I know what Gwendal's plans for it are later that night.

"And don't teach her any more swear words!" Conrad shouted back over his shoulder.

"Bye bye!" called Yozak cheerfully, using one of Arielle's pudgy little fists to wave.

"How can Murata even ride when he's laughing that hard?" Yuuri demanded, and Wolfram shrugged.

Arielle will have a mouth like a Shimeron pirate by the time she is three, and everyone will laugh and pinch her cheeks and coo how cute she is in her dress and pretty curls, and Conrad is going to have an aneurism by the time he's 130.

*******

"I thought I might find you here," Conrad leaned over the side of the little rowboat, being careful not to get splashed by any of the water from the sacred (or possibly cursed) spring. "You shouldn't run off without anyone protecting you, Your Majesty."

"Stop calling me that." Yuuri was leaning back against a rock, perfectly comfortable in the water that Conrad could feel nearly burning his feet through both his boots and the bottom of the boat. "And I've got Morgif with me."

A few feet away, Morgif drifted by on the surface of the water, making a soft 'WOOOO' noise and fountaining some water into the air.

Morgif owns. He's all about chilling in his very own spring here.

"He's in his element, I suppose." Conrad smiled, turning his gaze back to Yuuri. "Wolfram figured out your competitive fertility plan, hmm?"

"Saw through me like a one-way mirror." Yuuri sank a little deeper into the spring and blew a stream of disgruntled bubbles. "Why do we put up with these jerks?"

There must be something inherently KKM that is clear that Wolfram could see through Yuuri like, but damn, I just could not think of it, and it ruins this line for me.

Before I ever started this, I had this idea that Yuuri and Wolfram would fight for real about who would get pregnant, and they'd both go to the spring and then just have a LOT of sex, and whoever happened to get knocked up first won (lost?). But then it turned out that Wolfram had already decided exactly how this was going to go, and he was totally right about why Yuuri couldn't, and the idea got crunched into a one-liner about Yuuri's lack of sneak.

"Because we love them," Conrad reminded, folding his arms on the edge of the boat. "Wolfram's right, you know, that we can't risk your health, as Maou."

"Don't start, you," Yuuri snapped. "Yozak's totally right about Arielle getting spoiled, but that isn't changing your mind any." Conrad blinked at him, then chuckled. Yuuri's expression softened a little.

"But weren't you scared?" he asked, letting his hand drift up to just under the surface of the water and flicking them so that little patters of droplets rained out of the spring. "Did you worry? Ah, after you found out, I mean." Yuuri colored a little at Conrad's terse silence.

Aw, Yuuri's so tactless. There's a teensy bit of Conrad/Yuuri here, in a mutual yet unrequited way. It's my favorite kind of Conyuu, because they do love each other, but this is the way that keeps everybody happy and the kingdom running smoothly, and that's one apple cart that Conrad is never going to tip.

"Yes," Conrad finally said, and though his eyes were fixed on Yuuri, they were looking at something far away. "But there's no stopping Yozak, is there? Worrying didn't help anything."

"You're right," Yuuri sighed, but the tension in his shoulders faded a little. "You're always right, Conrad."

"I do my best, Your Majesty." Conrad's smile was back, the steam from the spring making it a little hazy. "Now I don't suppose I might talk you into going to a spring where I might actually join you? Or at least one that doesn't give me first-degree burns." Conrad held up palms singed red from rowing, and Yuuri immediately felt like an ass.

I was really counting on everybody to remember about the spring from way back in episode 6 without much prompting. I meant to have Yuuri singing the Yozak Bandarbia island girl song at some point in-fic, but then forgot all about it until much later.

"Geez, Conrad, I'm sorry!" Yuuri pushed off from the rock and clamored into the boat, being very careful not to splash Conrad or shake any water onto him. He reached out to snag Morgif with a hand as the sword floated by, and Morgif gave an affronted 'ooh OW' and spat some water at him.

*adores Morgif*

"I think Wolfram might even let us come back to his spring," Conrad winked as he began rowing, "if you promise not to try and be tricky."

"I don’t get any respect around here," Yuuri grumbled, snatching up the towel Conrad had put in the bottom of the boat and rubbing his hair. Conrad smiled serenely back at him.

*******

"I am so full," Yuuri said as he flopped down on the bed next to Wolfram. Wolfram gave a pained grunt as the bed jostled. "I think I may never eat again."

"You said that after lunch," Wolfram reminded. "And breakfast."

"The food here is so good!" Yuuri exclaimed, stretching out on his back like Wolfram was. "And I'm always starving after I get out of the spring."

Like at the beach, you know? something about the water makes you starving and exhausted, but in a really good way.

"It's a natural phenomenon," Wolfram murmured, stifling a yawn. "C'mere, we'll work some of it off."

"Are you kidding?" Yuuri would have reached over to poke his husband, but as soon as he settled into the mattress, every part of his body felt far too heavy and sated to move. "You want it so bad, you roll over here."

"Meh." Wolfram flopped his hand a little in the whole four inches that separated them, but didn't otherwise move. "M'tired."

The pathos of this attempt at sex is quality. In the next line is the very first time Yuuri actually manages to say 'pregnant'. He's finally adjusting to the idea.

"You know," Yuuri reached over to pull Wolfram closer and met him halfway, "it seems to me that nobody is going to get pregnant if we are too tired and full to even try."

"You've just got all kinds of excuses." Wolfram slid an arm around Yuuri's waist and pressed his nose against the hollow of Yuuri's throat. "Wimp."

"You aren't exactly raring to go," Yuuri teased, letting his hands drift down Wolfram's back. Wolfram gave a half-hearted thrust, then yawned again, and Yuuri laughed and tangled a hand in Wolfram's hair to tilt his head back for a kiss. A second later, Yuuri broke the kiss when he yawned too.

He blinked at Wolfram, after he'd managed to peel his eyes back open, until Wolfram asked him what he was staring at.

"I was just thinking," Yuuri ducked his head, blushing a little, "that I hope our kid is cute like you."

One of my favorite KKM moments of all-time is when they are in the closet and Wolfram is trying to tell Yuuri that he's cute enough for the sex slave trade, and Yuuri says that Wolfram is like three times the cute of him. It's one of Wolfram's favorites as well.

"You idiot," Wolfram failed utterly to scowl, and Yuuri kissed him again, "they should be dark like you, so they'll look like royalty."

"They?" Yuuri backpedaled, eyes widening, "now just you wait a minute…"

"Oh, go to sleep," Wolfram ordered, snuggling back up against Yuuri's chest and letting his eyes drift shut. "We can work on it tomorrow."

Too comfortable to even think about trying to get the blankets loose from underneath them, Yuuri obeyed without further comment.

It turned out Wolfram wasn't kidding about tomorrow, because just after midnight, Yuuri woke up with his cock surrounded by the heat of Wolfram's mouth, dark green eyes smirking up at him from the end of the bed in the light of the lamp they'd forgotten to put out.

Well, Wolfram isn't big on lost time. The word 'cock' always startles me here, because things have been fluffy, and there's no explicit sex in the other two stories. I think this is when I knew this one was going to be different.

*********

"How are you?" Yuuri asked, sitting on the edge of their bed back in Shin Makoku. Wolfram took one look at the tea he was holding and moaned. "Come on, you've got to eat something."

The noise of the door opening made Yuuri turn to find Murata coming in with Greta. Greta rushed across the room, grinning, and climbed up on the bed next to Wolfram, being careful not to jostle him.

"And how is the patient?" Murata asked, sauntering over as well. Yuuri glared at him, "Geez, Shibuya, it's just the flu. Even Mazoku get it sometimes."

Did I fool you? I like the false alarm effect, even if it is a crazy cliche.

"He wouldn't have the flu," Yuuri groused, handing the tea over to Greta, who usually had better success with Wolfram, "if we hadn't spent days on a boat in the dead of winter!"

"Wolfram gets the flu every year and you know it," Murata replied, waving off Yuuri's concern.

This line and Murata's line about 'Mazoku get it sometimes' don't seem to match up quite, but everything else i tried sounded too repetative, so I left it alone. Also, I'm not sure Wolfram would actually say the line down below, except maybe as it related to his breeding.

"I have a delicate constitution!" Wolfram snapped, nearly dropping the teacup. Greta crossed her arms and eyed him firmly, and Wolfram meekly took a long sip of the tea.

"I just hate seeing him like this," Yuuri sighed, reaching over to tuck a strand of fever-damp hair behind Wolfram's hair.

"Then I have good news!" Murata's smile was a little faker this time. "You're going back to earth."

"What?" Yuuri whipped his head around to stare at the Sage. "I am not!"

"Sorry, Shibuya," Murata shrugged, "Shinou's orders."

We're using the first name, which means Murata is pissed. Telling Yuuri they have to go is Murata's most hated job, and he wishes freqently that Shinou would just tell Yuuri himself instead of making Murata the middle man.

"Now you listen here." Yuuri poked Murata in the chest with a finger. "I'm the Maou, dammit, and I say I'm not going anywhere! There's no way I'm leaving Wolfram this sick, not when we don't even know if he's….he's…you know what I mean." Yuuri scowled harder, and Wolfram hid a smirk with his teacup.

Yuuri's comfort with the process is obviously fleeting. Wolfram is just enjoying having Yuuri by the balls even more than usual.

"Aaaare you?" Greta asked, grinning, and Wolfram shrugged, ruffling his daughter's hair. "Remember, Daddy, brother."

He's not. But Greta's going to get her way, just so you know.

"It's not like we get to pick," Yuuri pointed out, glancing over his shoulder at them, before turning back to Murata. "Like I said, I'm not going."

"I think we can arrange something." Murata tilted his head to oneside as if listening.

*******

In the end, it was a good thing they ended up in the Shibuya bathtub again, because Wolfram was immediately and violently sick.

"I hate you," Wolfram informed Yuuri, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach and forehead pressed against the tile of the wall. Yuuri rubbed his back soothingly.

Wolfram brightened up slightly when Jennifer invaded the bathroom, hugging them half to death and stripping them out of their wet and vomit-spattered clothes with a ruthless efficiency that gave Yuuri the chills.

Eurgh, this is kind of gross. I really don't like the word 'vomit', but there just wasn't a synonym that was more appealing. If Wolfram gets kind of sick on a boat, I can't even imagine how he feels getting sucked into another world via water while dying of the flu.

Or maybe that was from just how well Jenn and Wolfram got along. Then one of them said the word 'Bandarbia', and the next thing Yuuri knew he was being scolded to within an inch of his life for letting his husband get into this state.

"It's not like I gave him the flu on purpose!" Yuuri finally snapped, then slapped a hand over his mouth. Behind Jenn, whose expression was now absolutely thunderous, Wolfram smothered a weak laugh where he was perched on the toilet.

Wolfram is wrapped in a big, warm, fuzzy, yellow towel while Yuuri is shivering and naked, and I really wanted to get that in that sentence, but honestly just couldn't.

"Yuu-chan!" His mother bellowed. "Don't you talk back to me, young man!"

And then she put him outside like a bad dog.

This line should go, but it's really a nod to the Loveless chapter where Soubi puts Youji outside on the porch after he molests Ritsuka. Jennifer wouldn't really kick Yuuri the whole way out of the house, probably, but he needed to talk with Murata anyway.

"You know, I am king of an entire world!" Yuuri exclaimed, sprawled out indignantly on the front steps. Murata, who had come over a few minutes ago and was sitting beside him on the warm concrete, laughed.

"At least she let you put on clothes first this time," Murata shrugged. Yuuri eyed him darkly.

Murata refused to elaborate further what 'this time' meant, and also, I suppose it's okay that it's summer in Japan but winter in Shin Makoku, but I'm not really sure why I wrote it that way.

"And who the hell told her about Bandarbia anyway?" Yuuri narrowed his eyes when Murata scratched at a tiny hole in his jeans with sudden interest. "Just whose side are you on?"

"Shibuya," Murata gave the creepy smile, "I think it's time you learned that your mother and I have a very special relationship…"

Well, he does have her on speed-dial.

"SHIBUYA YUURI!" Jennifer shouted out an upstairs window. "You stop strangling Ken-chan right this second! Just wait until your father gets home!"

Murata was still cackling softly as he cleaned the dirt off his glasses and set them back in place against his bruised cheek, and Yuuri slumped back against the steps and refused to acknowledge him with any kind of response.

"Murata?" he said after a long while. He paused for long time, until Murata prompted him with a 'hmm?' "You've had like a million lives, right? Have you ever…you know, got in the Bandarbian way?"

Haha, I love that euphemism.

"Heh," Murata chuckled at Yuuri's reluctance to speak directly about the matter. "No, I haven't."

"Why not?" Yuuri asked, then flushed and looked away. "I mean, Conrad said that you and the Original Maou…" Yuuri fluttered the fingers of one hand in the air a little. "Never mind, Murata."

"He wanted me to." Yuuri looked up in surprise, and found Murata staring into setting sun, glasses reflecting nothing but red. "But things were so unstable, the time was never right. Maybe that's why he wanted it so much, but I was scared. Moue," Murata shook his head a little and turned back to Yuuri, his usual smile back in place, "besides, I had my girlish figure to consider!"

All details that just sort of happened when I was writing the 20 Random Facts, but they ring true with me. Murata strikes me in turns as lonely, funny, creepy, tricksy, and a bunch of other things, and I think it's the diversity of character that lets me enjoy writing him so much. He's a deep guy, and we're just scratching the surface.

"Murata." Yuuri tried to smile, but it came out a little sad at the corners; he slid one leg over to bump Murata's knee with his own. "I know that sometimes, I'm like him, and it makes you sad. Just like sometimes I'm like Julia, and it makes Conrad sad. So, you know, I'm sorry."

"Ne, Shibuya," Murata sounded surprised and a little pleased, and he reached over to squeeze Yuuri's shoulder, "you aren't anyone but you. Don't try to be so smart."

Should Yuuri's lines be so up front and perceptive? I think maybe not, so Murata plays it off with some humor.

"Jerk." Yuuri pushed Murata's hand off, and they watched the sunset in silence until Yuuri's mother called them for dinner.

******

Wolfram was stirring a little when Yuuri came up to his room after dinner, bringing up a bowl of his mother's special "Mama Says Get Well Now!" soup. Sitting the bowl on his nightstand, Yuuri nudged Wolfram over so he could sit down on the twin bed. Wolfram blinked up at him with glazed eyes, and Yuuri put a hand against Wolfram's forehead.

I love the way the name of the soup is a threatening directive. I fully admit, by the way, that this entire set-up is heavily influenced by a Gravitation fic I read where Shuichi had a fever but talked Yuki into sex anyhow.

"You feel a little cooler," he said, giving Wolfram a smile. "Your fever must be down."

"We'll never know, since I exploded your mother's thermometer," Wolfram grunted, voice rough from sleep. "The stupid human numbers on it didn't make any sense anyway."

Having a fire elemental with a fever i'm sure is every thermometer's worst nightmare.

Yuuri helped Wolfram sit up against the headboard, and Wolfram managed to eat some of the soup; even though he'd just had dinner, Yuuri finished the soup off so that his mother wouldn't yell at him anymore.

"She'll tell me some more about how thin you are," Yuuri grumbled, tipping the bowl and draining the last of it before sitting the bowl on the nightstand. "Man, I wish she would make this stuff for me when I'm well and can actually enjoy it."

"I'll talk to her, see what I can do." Wolfram gave Yuuri a tired wink.

Everybody has the in with Yuuri's mother except for poor Yuuri.

"It's really disturbing how well you two get along," Yuuri sighed, sliding under the blankets with Wolfram. He gave a little grunt of surprise when Wolfram rolled over onto him heavily and nuzzled his neck. "You are feeling better."

"You feel good anyway," Wolfram replied, sliding a leg in between Yuuri's. "You don't ever get the flu from me, right?"

"We did go the whole way to Bandarbia…" Yuuri laughed a little as Wolfram's fingers skated under his shirt, tickling his sides.

"I'm a fire elemental, twit," Wolfram tilted his head to nip Yuuri's earlobe, "it'll keep for a few more days." Wolfram paused as the realization hit him that he was supposed to be talking Yuuri into the sex. "I mean, let's go right now, no sense in taking chances."

I suspect that Wolfram could raise his temperature enough to get pregnant on his own, especially being sick like this, but Bandarbia is tradition. Contrary to what his mother thinks, Wolfram has a little romance in his soul.

Yuuri laughed harder and turned his head to kiss Wolfram squarely, reaching up to push the nightgown—for crying out loud, couldn't his mother spare him even the tiniest dignity?!—down off Wolfram's shoulder.

Wolfram's skin was hot and dry under Yuuri's palms, making his desire to slide skin against skin flare down his spine. He pulled back enough to strip his shirt off and toss it away, then reached to do the same to Wolfram's nightgown, pausing when he noticed Wolfram's eyes looked a bit fever-glazed again.

"Wolf," he started regretfully, but Wolfram gave a huff of impatience and tugged the nightgown over his head for Yuuri, then wrapped arms around Yuuri's neck and pressed tightly against him, making Yuuri gasp from the heat. Wolfram hadn't been wearing anything underneath, and Yuuri ran a hand down the whole way down his spine to his tailbone, thinking that if Wolfram was this hot on the outside, then on the inside…he interrupted his own thought with a low groan.

"Shut up," Wolfram hissed, kissing Yuuri to quiet his noises, "your brother's room is on the other side of that wall, you know."

Shori has headphones like you wouldn't believe. But he's listening to porn on them anyway. Or possibly cybering with Conrad, whatever.

"Oh, just you wait," Yuuri promised, leaning over the edge of the bed to slid a hand in between the mattresses, face heating from the thought of his brother hearing. "I won't be the only one moaning for long."

Wolfram pressed against Yuuri more tightly and nipped his neck, making it hard for Yuuri to concentrate on his search underneath his mattress. All he could feel where the corners of books…Yuuri flipped one out of the way with his fingertips, wincing when he caught a glimpse of the cover as it fell to the floor. Honestly, couldn't his mother find something better than CLAMP to try and pervert him with?

Most CLAMP gives me the willies, personally, with the main exception being Legal Drug. If Murata is really the one slipping Yuuri the Yaoi, how's he getting it under Yuuri's bed? Maybe it's a joint effort.

His fingers curled around the cool tube he was searching for at last, and Yuuri pulled it out with a noise of victory.

"Mmm," Wolfram cracked one eye to look at the label of the tube, "what's the chocolate icing for?"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Yuuri grumbled. "Somebody has to put an end to that woman!" Letting the tube drop to the floor beside the manga, Yuuri tried the drawer of his bedside table and this time actually found the lubricant he was looking for. He turned a baleful eye to Wolfram, who was snickering. "Something funny?"

"It's just that," Wolfram snickered harder, "she's actually inhibiting the gay sex! What are the odds?"

Ten billion to ONE.

Yuuri narrowed his eyes and flipped the cap off the tube, squeezing a liberal amount of gel over his fingers, then slid his hand between Wolfram's legs without giving the gel a chance to warm up.

"Yuuri!" Wolfram yelped, back arching as he tried to squirm away and press against Yuuri at the same time. Yuuri chortled at his expense, and Wolfram got his revenge by biting Yuuri's shoulder. A few moments later, his mouthful of Yuuri's skin was the only thing that kept a loud moan from echoing through the wall.

"Told you so," Yuuri whispered in his ear, his own voice rough.

"God, just shut up, can't you?" Wolfram demanded, pressing down on Yuuri's fingers and making him groan again. "I want you already, please? Yuuri, please."

Not so much with the patience, is Wolfram. I think the whole Bandarbian spring thing actually has a mild aphrodesiac to it as well, that lingers about as long as the effects of the heat. That detail never made it in anyplace, but Yozak and Wolfram both exhibited symptoms of it, more so than normal.

Yuuri shuddered hard, Wolfram's begging making his desire twist in his stomach, and he pulled his fingers away from Wolfram to slick himself. When he started pressing inside Wolfram, Wolfram wrapped legs around his waist and drew him closer, burying his face against Yuuri's shoulder and making a long, high noise.

Yuuri's shoulders were shaking with the effort of holding still, the scorching heat of Wolfram's fever an almost painful squeeze around him. He buried his nose in Wolfram's hair and clenched his fingers in the sheets on either side of Wolfram's shoulders. Wolfram's breath was coming in short pants, his lips wet against Yuuri's shoulder. Someone's heartbeat was thudding through Yuuri's cock, and he couldn't tell which of theirs it was.

I really like that last line, and I'm not sure why. And the glass one down below. It's so hard to write sex that doesn't read like sex you've seen a thousand times before, I'm proud when I get something in that I don't believe i've seen someplace else first.

"Yuuri," Wolfram murmured, tilting his hips just so, so that Yuuri slid a little deeper into him, and Yuuri's control shattered like a glass struck by just the right note. He slid out a few inches before thrusting back home, and Wolfram's fingers sank into his shoulder blades, leg squeezing tighter around Yuuri's waist.

"Touch yourself," Yuuri ordered, making Wolfram shiver against him, then he felt one of Wolfram's hand release his back to obey. One of the drawbacks of this position was that he needed his hands for balance and couldn't stroke Wolfram over the edge himself, but sometimes watching Wolfram pleasure himself was every bit as good.

Teasing Wolfram wasn't really in the cards anyway, since Yuuri was just barely holding back his orgasm by force of will alone. Wolfram's heat seemed to be soaking into every corner of his body, crackling over his skin and making his nerves fire in long, slow pulses. When Wolfram's moan vibrated against Yuuri's chest and he tightened around Yuuri on all sides, Yuuri came apart utterly, elbows giving out and dropping him heavily onto Wolfram.

Hn, too many adverbs by far. Writing sex is such a pain, that it often doesn't get proofread very well because I just don't want to look at it anymore.

Also, if you're interested, this is in fact when Wolfram gets pregnant. Perhaps that's why there's suddenly sex here and noplace else; Wolfram just wanted to show off.

Wolfram's breathing was labored when Yuuri's eyes fluttered open a few minutes later, his cheek pressed against Wolfram's chest so that the skittering beat of his heart was loud in Yuuri's ear. Wolfram's hand pushed at Yuuri's shoulder weakly.

"Sorry!" Yuuri exclaimed, realizing that he was probably crushing Wolfram. He sat up carefully, blushing at how their skin slowly peeled apart down their stomachs. Wolfram gave a small whimper when Yuuri slid out of him, and Yuuri realized his eyes were closed.

"Hm?" Wolfram murmured when Yuuri shook his shoulder. "M'fine, Yuuri. Just tired." His skin was still flushed, and Yuuri realized that his fever was probably going up again. Promising Wolfram that he'd be right back, Yuuri slipped from bed, then nearly broke his neck when his foot came down on his mother's stupid manga and slipped out from under him.

HA, weren't expecting that, where you? In the spirit of the show, I like being able to switch between hot and sad and funny rapidly, and also that random details i throw out for my own amusement often become at least a tiny plot point later on.

Throwing on a pair of pajama pants and kicking the book out of the way, Yuuri crept down the hall into the bathroom. He soaked a pair of washcloths in the sink as he rinsed off quickly in the shower, then gathered a towel along with the washcloths and headed back to his room.

He doesn't wear his pajamas in the shower, contrary to what my bad writing here seems to say.

Essentially insensible, Wolfram was floppy and compliant as Yuuri wiped the sweat and other things off him, then helped him tug the nightgown back over his head. Wolfram did manage to mutter an affectionate "wimp" at one point as Yuuri tucked him back in and laid the second washcloth over his forehead, making Yuuri chuckle. He kissed the damp hair at Wolfram's temple and stood back up, scooping the empty soup bowl up from the nightstand to take downstairs.

He was just setting it in the sink, when somebody cleared their throat behind him, making Yuuri jump. He whirled to find Shori leaning against the doorway, arms crossed.

This encounter is more than a little superfluous, but oh do I love Shori.

"Should you really be doing that sort of thing when Wolfram has the flu?" he inquired blandly, and Yuuri went bright red.

"Sorry! You heard?" Yuuri stuttered. "The walls are so thin, I should really move my…" He trailed off when Shori lifted a hand to point at Yuuri's chest, and he looked down to find a vivid bit mark against his pale skin. Yuuri blushed even harder. "A-ah."

"And you try to say all that yaoi is Mom's." Shori rolled his eyes, sauntering into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator.

"Oi, you're one to talk!" Yuuri snapped back. "My-Nipple-Ring-Makes-It-More-Sensitive-San!"

And yet another random story line goes into my personal canon. This is from the KKM 20 themes I did, although if we're going to be honest here, the gist of the theme in question means that if Shori has a nipple ring, so should Yuuri.

"Shut up!" Shori let go of the fridge door to clamp a hand over Yuuri's mouth. "Mom'll hear!" Yuuri snorted and pushed Shori's hand away.

"Get me out the juice, would you?" Yuuri asked, leaning heavily against the counter and yawning.

"What's the matter?" Shori pulled the bottle of kiwi-pineapple juice out and thunked it down on the counter. "Worn out from all the procreating?"

What's up with the Japanese and strange fruit-flavored things? They make candy in flavors of fruit that we don't even have as fruit, much less candy.

"Eh, why do you know about that?" Yuuri flushed harder, and busied himself getting a glass and pouring the juice into it.

"If you were ever here," Shori replied tersely, "you'd know that all week it's been 'Sho-chan, when are you going to get a girlfriend' and 'Sho-chan, where are all the cute grandchildren you're going to give us' and 'Sho-chan, boys are just fine too'…"

Shori and Yuuri gave identical shudders. 

"Eh, don't start apologizing again," Shori cut Yuuri off when he started to speak. "It just figures everything would all work out for you when you get flushed down a toilet and slap the first pretty boy you see. Name one after me, ne?"

"Roger that, big brother." Surprising both of them, Yuuri leaned over to hug Shori tightly. Shori let just a little smile break out and ruffled Yuuri's hair as he pulled away. 

It's tough to get Shori's mix of gruffness and affection for Yuuri right, but I think it turned out okay here. And I always love having Shori be the only person who sees that their family is completely not normal.

"And make sure you bring the brat by to distract Mom," Shori added, turning back to the refrigerator, making Yuuri chuckle. "It's hard enough trying to be apprentice Earth Maou without her setting me up on dates all the time."

This scene needed something else to finish it up, but I couldn't figure out what it was, and thus it does not exist.

********

Several weeks later, Yuuri and Gwendal were wearing identical scowls as Anissina attached an electrode to Wolfram's stomach. Conrad had been trying to reassure the Maou originally, but was now distracted scolding a snickering Yozak for teaching Arielle a swear that he had never even heard before.

"Oh, relax, Shibuya," Murata was picking up the slack, throwing a casual elbow up on Yuuri's shoulder. "I'm sure there's next to no chance Wolfram will be electrocuted."

"And even if he is, I can always bear you...no, wait. Nevermind."

"Can't you attach that thing to someplace less immediately necessary?!" Yuuri shouted at Anissina.

"Stop treating me like a glorified incubator!" Wolfram snapped back, already grumpy from having to hold his uniform jacket up in such an undignified manner. Anissina flittered over to check the connection of the machine to a sobbing Gunter, whom Greta was offering a handkerchief.

This is the Shin Makoku ultrasound, but if Anissina were my obstetrician, I'd flee in the other direction as quickly as possible.

"Stop sniveling and power up the Pitter-Patter-Of-Little-Feet-Kun!" Anissina ordered, and Gunter tearfully complied when Anissina reminded him that the Maou was rather invested in the results.

The machine made a series of worrisome clatters and beeps, and finally a green light flickered to life on top.

"Success!" Anissina reported proudly. "Pitter-Patter-Of-Little-Feet-Kun has detected signs of life growing deep inside Wolfram!"

Grinning with relief, Yuuri flung himself at Wolfram for a deep kiss, then pulled back to eye him critically. "Why don't you look excited?"

"Because Gisela told me that last week," Wolfram replied, cutting off Yuuri's indignant exclamation with another kiss.

I'm not sure why Wolfram didn't tell Yuuri for sure himself, but my personal theory is just that he likes knowing more than Yuuri and looking smug about it.

"Moreover!" Anissina continued, interrupting the cheers of all present. "Pitter-Patter-Of-Little-Feet-Kun will now tell us the gender of the baby, months in advance!"

The machine seemed to be working a lot harder, as the Royal family peered at it skeptically, and Anissina roared at Gunter to stop slacking off. The beeping and clunking from the machine grew louder and louder, and then, just when Yuuri was about to drag Wolfram off to take cover, the machine spat out a little piece of paper with an exhausted "ka-chink," a thin curl of smoke rising out of the top of the machine, and Gwendal just barely caught Gunter as he toppled over backwards.

"His Majesty Yuuri and Wolfram will have a beautiful baby…" Anissina peered at the strip of paper, "…bearbee?"

I really wanted this machine to be accidentally right again, like Place-Your-Bets-Kun was with Yozak, but there's really no leeway here, it's either right or it's wrong, or it's completely ridiculous.

"Damn," Wolfram said dryly, "I was hoping for a human this time, since we already have a couple hundred of those."

"So long as it's healthy," Yuuri teased, leaning over to kiss Wolfram's cheek and putting out a hand to ruffle Greta's hair as she skipped over and threw arms around Wolfram's waist.

"And fullblooded Mazoku," Wolfram added. "You better not have screwed it up, wimp. If anything that's not fullblooded comes from the loins of a Bielefelt, somebody gets annulled."

"Isn't it the marriage that gets…" Yuuri started, then swallowed at Wolfram's expression. "Er, never mind."

"Sangria says the odds of it being a boy are three to one!" Greta reported happily.

Sangria, as usual, has an eye for the odds. It is a boy, and Yuuri will graciously offer to let Wolfram name him Liesel, and Wolfram will say that they already have a DRAGON named Liesel, moron, and in the end they'll settle on Julian.

"Get away from me with that!" Gwendal snapped at Anissina, who was advancing on him with the powering helmet for Pitter-Patter-Of-Little-Feet-Kun.

"You know," Yozak put an arm around Conrad's shoulder, and Conrad eyed him and shifted Arielle as far to the side as he could, "I hear Bandarbia is really nice this time of year…"

"Wolfram," Yuuri glanced over his assembled 'family' with a critical eye, "are we really sure it's a good idea to have a child near these people? They're all crazy!"

"Ne, Shibuya," Murata snuck up behind them and threw an arm around both Wolfram and Yuuri's shoulders, "who else would be crazy enough to risk their lives for you?"

Just had to get a parting shot in there for almost everyone present. Coincidentally, I think Yozak may actually lose this fight, especially once it becomes obvious that Arielle has the perfect blend of Yozakian wiles and Weller stubbornness. Conrad secretly believes that the world may end if Yozak is allowed to spawn again.

Yuuri made an indignant noise, and Wolfram grinned and snuck a hand down to pinch Yuuri's hip, just as Conrad popped Arielle's binky into Yozak's mouth to shut him up at last.

"I don't think I have enough yarn for this," Gwendal grumbled.

More than one person lately has called me Gwendal because I knit during my classes when they make me angry. 

A final note about the Pandabearia Arc: It should be clear at this point that all my fics generally co-exist, and that strange tidbits from one fic very often appears in subsequent fics if it amuses me. For this reason, sometimes people ask why this fic or that one isn't included in the Pandabearia Arc, when clearly they exist in the same plane. 

The main reason why these three are pulled out is because of the original characters, Arielle in particular. The mpreg by itself I don't mind having in what I consider my mainstream personal canon, because I think the series in this instance is leaning towards it canonically. But there's absolutely no way that Yozak and Conrad will have a daughter named Arielle canonically (unless somebody I don't know about is reading my fics in Japanese), so it makes me uncomfortable to leave it all lumped in with the others. 

And that, ladies and bearbees, is all I have to say about that. 

No, for serious. I mean it.