Harry Potter, Hey, That’s Not a Watch!

Title: Hey, That’s Not A Watch! [Hermione/Harry]
Rating/Warnings: R for an instructional half-blowjob.
Summary: Hermione wants to practice her technique.
A/N: The first thing that ever went on my LJ, if I’m not mistaken.

Hey, That’s Not a Watch!

“Harry,” Hermione sidled up beside him in the corridor between classes and pulled him aside, “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Harry replied. “Go ahead.”

“Not here,” she shook her head. “Let’s go outside where no one can hear.”

Intrigued, Harry gamely followed Hermione out to the courtyard, far away from every other student.

“All right, what is it?” Harry asked, the curiosity killing him by now.

“Harry this is very awkward,” Hermione stalled. “But…can I practice giving a blowjob on you?”

Harry blinked hard.

“What?” he demanded.

“Purely for research purposes!” Hermione assured him. She blathered on nervously, her cheeks a furious pink. “You’re the only one I can ask, and I wouldn’t ask at all, but I’m sure I’m doing it all wrong, and Ron won’t tell me of course…”

Harry fought to urge to stick his fingers in his ear and go “La la la la la LA la la LA la la!” right in Hermione’s face before fleeing for his life. The situation must be serious for Hermione to be asking him this. And it wasn’t like he was lacking in the sexual tension department.

“Sure,” he said suddenly, cutting off Hermione mid-word.

“Really?” she asked cautiously, looking unsure whether this was good or bad news. Harry nodded before he couldn’t change his mind.

“Where and when?” he asked.

“What about right now?” Hermione glanced at her watch. “We’ve got class in twenty minutes, that should be enough time. And the Broomstick shed isn’t far away.”

Having serious second thoughts, Harry snuck away after Hermione, his unease lessening only slightly when he heard Hermione lock the door behind them. She produced one of her fires-in-a-jar for light and set it on the floor.

“All right,” Hermione said, and Harry suddenly realized that the Broomshed was awfully close quarters. “I’m going to cast a charm so that you can hear my voice in your ear, since…” Hermione looked a bit flustered. “Since my mouth with be…er, occupied.”

She began to rustle about in her bag.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked suspiciously.

“Looking for my note-taking quill,” she replied.

“Absolutely not!” Harry exclaimed, his indignation making him forget his embarrassment. “You’re not taking notes while you go down on me!”

“But how am I going to remember what you tell me?” she asked, mystified.

“You’ll just have to use your brain,” Harry responded stiffly, irritated at the implication that he was not very memorable.

“Fine,” Hermione sighed long-sufferingly. “Vox in Aures!”

“How’s that?” Harry heard Hermione’s voice whisper in his ear. He hadn’t seen her mouth move.

“Um, it seems to work,” Harry answered, suddenly nervous. “Er, I’ve never done this before, you know.”

“You don’t have to know much,” Hermione told him out loud. “Just whether I’m hurting you or not. Now, hurry and drop your trousers. We’ve only got twelve minutes left.”

Having serious misgivings about this favor suddenly, Harry did as she commanded. All this talk of blow-jobs and whispering in the ears had Harry semi-hard already. Hermione eyed him up with a clinical air.

“What?” he asked nervously.

“You’re a bit more…squiggly than Ron,” Hermione said vaguely, and before Harry could inquire whether ‘squiggly’ was a positive or a negative attribute, Hermione leaned forward and gave a few experimental licks. Harry squeezed his eyes shut, afraid if he watched, every time he saw Hermione for the rest of his life he’d think about being in this Broomshed with her.

Hermione slid her whole mouth over him after several moments, seeming to judge how much of Harry she could take in at once. Harry gasped as the slick heat of her mouth glided back and forth along his length slowly.

“Good?” asked Hermione’s voice in his ear.

“Good,” he answered in a ragged voice. He felt Hermione shift a around a little bit, and she sucked on him more firmly, which was extraordinarily good, until…

“Ow!” Harry bit back a curse. “Watch the teeth!”

“Sorry,” Hermione whispered in his ear, immediately shifting again. “All right, I want to try some things. Which do you like better?”

Harry felt Hermione’s tongue draw searing little circles near the base of him.

“Number one?” she asked. She pulled back a little and drew the same excruciating circles much closer to his tip. “Or number two?”

As Harry fought to keep down a surge of giggles, he wondered if one of Hermione’s grandparents had been an optometrist rather than a dentist.

“Er…one,” he replied huskily.

“Fine. One…or two?” Hermione asked again, trying out something new.

“Two…” Harry was starting to forget what was funny about this, or even what humor was.

“One…or two?”

“Uh…”

“Make up your mind, one or two?”

“They’re both nearly the same…” he finally croaked out.

“Excellent!”

Hermione stood up suddenly, leaving Harry blinking bewilderedly.

“I think that’s all I need,” she said briskly.

“You’re…you’re just going to leave me like this?!” Harry exclaimed.

“Well, honestly, Harry,” Hermione said, sounding a bit exasperated. “If I do much more, it’ll be cheating on Ron, won’t it?”

“But…but…” Harry stuttered. Hermione picked up the flame jar and extinguished it, tucking it back into her bag.

“I’m sure you can find somebody who’d finish off the famous Harry Potter,” Hermione said quickly, unlocking the shed door and slipping out it before he could argue any more.

Swearing quietly, Harry yanked up his trousers and leaned out the door, peering around. He spotted Draco sauntering by.

Perfect.

“Oh, Draco,” Harry called. “Come here a second, I want to show you my new watch…”

* * * * * *

Ron eyed Hermione suspiciously as she slipped into her stool for Potions, looking a bit flustered.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked.

“Getting some pointers for later,” she replied archly, not meeting his eyes. Ron’s ears reddened, but he didn’t press the subject any more. Just then, Draco came by in a huff, nearly knocking Ron off his stool, muttering loudly in a mean impersonation of somebody or other.

“If you put two hands a face on it, it will be!”

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  By Jade Falcon, 2015.06.10 @ 10:47 pm

  Love the story! I’m writing one of my own at Archiveofourown.org, with this fic as inspiration. It will be called “Teach Me”, a Harry/Hermione one-shot. Good job on your story!
• 

  By Jade Falcon, 2015.08.20 @ 9:25 am

  Correction to the above comment: it’s listed on Archiveofourown.org as the title “Whoremione”, if anyone’s interested.

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